Leanne French. www.madltd.co.nz?
There are people who overstep their own boundaries and ignore their needs in order to please others or avoid conflict. Often they can end up in a pickle, resentful and confused by one unsatisfactory result after another. What fixes this? A simple remedy of marrying-up their feelings, thoughts, urges and actions.
Being congruent is when what you think, feel, say and do all support each other. It’s when the choices you make feel agreeable and harmonious within you.
This is the formula to use:
This is what I am thinking…?This is what I am feeling…?This is what I have an urge to do…?This is what I actually do…?Then look for similarities and differences.
?Let’s look at an example where suddenly someone declares they are coming on holiday with you.? Firstly, an incongruent process: ?You think, Oh, I’m not sure about this. I don’t feel comfortable. I have an urge to say no, but instead I actually blurt out a yes, and instantly feel annoyed at myself, trapped, and fearful of changing my mind.
?The more ideal, congruent process:? You think, Oh, I’m not sure about this. I don’t feel comfortable. I have an urge to say the plan is definitely only for my partner and myself, so I actually say…It’s lovely that you want to come, however this time away is only for my partner and myself, so that means you won’t be coming!
The same external principal works when used with your internal thought processes: ?You think, I have done enough today. I am aware I feel tired and I have an urge to rest, but what I actually do is answer another business call, reach for a coffee and a sugar hit to get me through.
?Instead of:? You think, I have done enough today. I feel tired. I have an urge to stop, so I actually put the answer phone on, drink a glass of water and run a relaxing bath and honour my need to care for myself.
Give it a go. Try to aim for alignment wherever possible and honour your boundaries.
