MWFC: no wins yet _ but table points mounting up

The training ground report: injuries, clean sheet, new recruits, players returning, loans, and is MWFC heading towards child exploitation?

There is a mixture of good and very good news from Martinborough Women’s Football team.

As the season crossed the halfway line a degree of hope and optimism was settling in. Whilst this newly-formed team haven’t yet won a game they have been scoring goals, goals galore and have had a clean sheet. Three proud points on the table.

Martinborough’s Maradonna

For perspective and reality England got to the knockout stages of Euro 24 without winning a game, and most of those games were like watching the Slug and Lettuce walking football club.

This local achievement is all the more impressive as the rigours of a full season of Wairarapa football is taking its toll. Marty’s Mary Earps between the sticks flew through the sky all the way to the stratosphere to save a certain goal from Carterton. Every sinew was stretched and the one in her left leg went ‘ping’. That saw the keeper out for a while.

It’s a sad story despite the changing room having that overwhelming smell of liniment, radium B and deep heat. Preparation was good.  Marty were on the attack. The little whippet on the wing whipped across a chest high ball to the back of the penalty box. Having just watched England’s game against Slovakia there were great ‘Jude Bellingham’ aspirations. Facing away from goal, she tried a Jude Bellingham bicycle kick. Spectacular as it was, the outcome was twofold. The ball missed the goal and on landing no meaningful continuation of the game could continue. Another injury.

Then there was Milly Clegg, who was the whippet on the wing. Off she went to pull up more suddenly that a Boeing 737 with bird strike at takeoff. Initial diagnosis was either a ‘hammie’, (aka hamstring), but possibly a ruptured achilles.

It’s never ending and it doesn’t all happen on the pitch.

Having just had a training session at Cool Change (who kindly supplied various refreshments), about on-pitch formation and the benefits of 4-2-4 with speedy wing backs over 5-3-2 and traditional wingers, Martinborough’s Messi, (who actually is Argentinian) is out due to a fracture.  As chief reporter for the club I was told that it happened during training when a ball came her way and she was trying to palm it away on the blind side of the ref, but having heard about the inclusion of ‘Cool Change’ no further enquiries were made.

But all is not lost.

Marty’s flying (almost) Scot is back. She of the height of a giraffe, the nimbleness of Ronaldo without the selfishness and tears. She of the speed of Dan Walker and the stealth of Ali Riley is back to take the right side and torment the defence after her European duties.

Coming in as a replacement to the squad is ‘my brother’s cousin’s best friend’s daughter’ to take the place of one or even some of the injured. She won’t be there for long because Marty’s Messis’ plan is to emulate a recent England striker, Jamie Vardy who always seemed to play with a fiberglass cast on his left wrist. Self defence, I say. She’ll be back. At the post-injury press conference she was asked “do you want to get back on the pitch?” her reply: “Yes, of course, I love it, we all love it.”  Wairarapa FC, be warned.

A leaked report from the training ground also reveals that a few of the players’ children are being enlisted to fill a few of the other vacant spots. Some emergency loans from local families, for no (extra) pay, have been signed.  On asking one of the youths how she felt about it she said “it’s so cool, it’s awesome, I’m going to be Hannah Wilkinson.” Nuff said. On asking about how she felt about playing alongside her mum she said “we’re hotel room mates, we get on well at home, we’ll form a mean cream team, I’m going to be like Sam Kerr but not get into trouble.”

Most things at MWFC are going well despite the usual mid-season injuries any football club would experience during a gruelling season. Enjoyment factor is still off the scale as is the commitment factor. It has actually been an incredibly successful first season.

If anyone wants to play and join this exuberant group of enthusiastic footballers contact them through their Facebook page or speak to Nadia Mbappe in Kitcheners.

(Cousin of THE Mbappe? – Ed.)