BY JOHN ANSELL
(with a nod to Gilbert and Sullivan)
We are the very model of a modern university
We’ve done away with knowledge and we’re all about diversity
Indigenous ethnicity and gender multiplicity
And when we get offended how we generate publicity!
We’re cuddly Marxist-Leninists and Islamist apologists
And Helen Clarxist feminists, indigenous ethnologists
We have our NZUSA to help the LGBTQ
And if you’re brown and being put down we’ll stop the white man beating you!
And of your right to speak your mind we are especially tolerant
Unless you’re white or on the right or male or Jew or Protestant
Our studies fortify the fifth (that’s almost every) columnist
And how we love the Catholics now the Pontiff is a communist.
By our denomination we are strict identitarians
And number in our congregation many Treatifarians
We peer review our mates’ research and doctor methodology
As members of the Leftist Church of Climate Scientology.
We’re all about identity, not what you know but who you are
If you’ve the right parentity then that will take you very far
As our preferred minority you’ve got an opportunity
As from the need that you succeed we’ve granted you immunity.
We thought you’d like to know that we’re performing in Humanities
We’ve gender studies, ethnic studies, studies in profanities
We’ve got the most discriminating funders that we have to please
Or soon we may not be in full possession of our faculties.
Our job’s to teach the teachers of your children how to lie to them,
“The Treaty is a partnership” whenever they reply to them
We have to keep pretending cos the tribes are quite fanatical
And I’m expecting tenure and I’m due for my sabbatical!
A tribal-sovereign partnership is manifestly risible
That treaty had no principles unless in ink invisible
And neither did the doctor who concocted the untenable
He was the very model of a bad Attorney-General!
Defending all the rights of those who show us their obedience
Abusing the respected and excusing every deviance
We vilify conservatives and glorify perversity
We are the very model of a modern university!
