YOU CAN’T GET SICK WITH JUST ONE MUMP

by John Ansell ?Kitchener’s Poet-in-Residence
 
You can’t get sick with just one mump;
For mumps you need a pair,
So if you’ve only got one mump
It means you’re in the clear.
 
A solo mump won’t do much harm;
A mump needs an accomplice.
So if you’ve only got one mump
You’re technically quite mumpless.
 
The same is true of measles:
One lone measle’s much too measly;
You’ll need at least two measles
Or you’ll not get sick too easily.
 
And as for chickenpock-pock-pox
The same thing can be said;
One needs more than one chickenpock
To make one’s skin turn red.
 
It seems these three diseases,
Measles, chickenpox and mumps,
Are all quite shy, and that is why
They only come in clumps.
 
(Unlike some other ailments
Which are never found in groups:
Whoever heard of catching ‘flus
Or children getting croups?)
 
A patient asked his doctor:
“Doc, what’s this disease I’ve got?”
Said doc: “It seems you have a cold”
Said patient: “A cold what?”
 
“Beats me”, said doc, “and furthermore
It mystifies me still
Why shingles can’t be singular
Or pleurisy plural.”
 
“You confuse me,” said the patient,
“This is some kind of a trick,
And it’s working like a charm, Doc:
That’s the last time I get sick.”
 
First published in I Think the Clouds Are Cotton Wool – Rhymes Committed by John Ansell on sale at Kitchener’s.
John Ansell, Martinborough Poet Lauriat, has kindly offered to provide a poem for each issue of the Star.