People flirt, they get bored and if they can’t find healthy ways to become turned on to their own life, they may be tempted to seek stimulation from an affair.
Getting close to someone who isn’t your partner is like getting caught in a rip in the ocean. Once you are too far in, it can drag you further away from where you ever intended going. Before you waste vast amounts of energy engaged in fantasy, covering your tracks, lying, getting tangled in the fear of being caught and then having to deal with the damaging consequences when caught, it’s a good idea to be honest about the reasons you have ended up where you are.
Explore the undercurrents:
What you are hoping to find that you believe you aren’t getting with your present partner?
What you are failing to notice or ask for in the relationship you have?
What do you desire for yourself that doesn’t have anything to do with being with someone else?
What are you avoiding?
What are you doing that you know you shouldn’t be?
Are you drinking more alcohol than usual, staying out late or avoiding being at home?
It may be helpful to know that the desire for an affair can also be triggered by a crisis of some kind, recent grief, the anniversary of a major loss, difficulty in embracing aging, or a significant change in home circumstances.
The most common reason is a simple case of being attracted to particular traits or qualities in another person that need to be developed in the self.
Betrayal isn’t the answer to any of the above, or a successful way to fill emptiness or heal an existing challenge in a relationship.
1. Don’t act on impulse: Reduce contact, calls, communication, lunches, drinks and any other excuses you use to be close.
2. Monitor what you share: If what you share with someone else couldn’t be said or done in front of your partner, don’t say or do it.
3. Make honest inroads to reconnect with your beloved: Talk, have fun and strengthen intimacy.
By Leanne French
